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You Are My Child
Whether or not I bear children,
Whether or not this world says of me, “she is mother,”
I know that others do not see what I see.
I see what is.
You are my child.
Your bark speaks your heart to me,
Your purr strums my primordial soul,
Your fur, your feathers, your eyes, your touch –
These are as elemental as earth, fire, wind, water.
Your life is short, while mine is long -
(A lesson
learned when my brother died
And my mother said,
“This is not natural. No mother should see a child die.”)
Even so, even
knowing this truth,
Knowing that you will die before I do,
And knowing that this unnatural order is, after all, inevitable,
I welcome you as my child, my own.
Even if I could die before you,
I do not wish it so.
You would grieve as much as I…maybe more.
I would keep you safe from this pain, this grief, this wound.
And so I take
you lovingly, willingly, knowingly, as my child.
And I do not
wish it undone, even with grief already borne, and grief yet to
come.
For I have
always loved you,
And I will love you beyond death.
You are my child.
©Barbara Allen
Grow Old With Dogs
When I am old...
I will wear soft gray
sweatshirts...
and a
bandana over my silver hair.....
and I
will spend my social security checks on
wine and
my dogs.
I will
sit in my house on my well-worn chair and
listen to
my dogs' breathing.
I will
sneak out in the middle of a warm summer
night and
take my dogs for a run,
if my old
bones will allow...
When
people come to call,
I will
smile and nod as I show them my dogs...
and talk
of them and about them...
...the
ones so beloved of the past and the ones so beloved of today....
I will
still work hard cleaning after them, mopping
and
feeding them and whispering their names
in a soft
loving way.
I will
wear the gleaming sweat on my throat, like a
jewel and
I will be an embarrassment to all...
especially my family...
who have
not yet found the peace
in being
free to have dogs as your best friends....
These
friends who always wait, at any hour, for your footfall...
and
eagerly jump to their feet out of a sound sleep,
to greet
you as if you are a God.
With warm
eyes full of adoring love and hope
that you
will always stay, I'll hug their big strong necks...
I'll kiss
their dear sweet heads...
and
whisper in their very special company....
I look in
the Mirror...
and see I
am getting old....
this is
the kind of person I am...
and have
always been. Loving dogs is easy, they are part of me.
Please
accept me for who I am.
My dogs
appreciate my presence in their lives...
they love
my presence in their lives...... When I am old this will be
important to me...
you will
understand when you are old....
if you
have dogs to love too.
~Author
Unknown
Do Not Stand at My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)
~Mary Frye
One
Year Ago Today
One year ago today,
I got up early to feed
you breakfast.
You weren't hungry, so I
mixed some boiled liver in with your food and fed you by hand.
You smiled.
I like to think that you
felt special.
One year ago today,
I went to work and
mentally checked out.
It was a hectic day with
lots to do and I was useless and don't remember most of it.
People understood.
They knew it was a very
sad day.
One year ago today,
I left work early and
drove home to get you.
I put your leash on you
and helped you up so your Daddy could walk you up the stairs.
Again you smiled.
It pleases me to think
you felt proud.
One year ago today,
You took your last ride
in the car.
You sat up so tall, but
the look on your face showed how much pain you were in.
I'm sorry.
I know I put it off too
long.
One year ago today,
You went to the vet's
for the last time.
You lay quietly on the
floor between your Daddy and me as we cried and said goodbye.
You sighed.
Sometimes I think you
knew why you were there.
Today,
I got up early to feed
Tink & Star breakfast.
They weren't hungry, so
I patted their heads and picked up the bowls and let them be.
They smiled.
I think they sensed my
mood.
Today,
I went to work and ran
on autopilot.
It was a typically crazy
day with lots to do and I did all of it in a surreal fog.
Nobody noticed.
Today's significance was
between you and me.
Today,
I left work on time and
drove home to see my babies.
I put on their leashes
and let them celebrate all the way out to the car for our ride.
They smiled.
They love walks as much
as you.
Today,
I took Tink and Star to
your favorite park.
We walked beneath the
trees on the same paths you took the last time you were ever
there.
I cried.
I could still see your
happy face.
Today,
I stopped at your tree.
I placed a white rose
from my yard over the spot where we buried your lock of fur.
I cried some more.
I miss my boy so much.
Today,
I look back on
everything that happened.
Mommy's boy, if we
thought for a minute there were any other way, we'd have done it.
I'm so sorry, Boo.
I will never forget your
last smile,
One year ago today.
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